Curse

Xue Yi Liang · Oct 02, 2005, 01:35 PM // 13:35

I had to get this one off my chest:

A pirate comes into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.
Bartender: "Hey, did you know you have a steering wheel in your pants?"
Pirate: "Aye. It's driving me nuts."

Your turn.

Kassad · Oct 02, 2005, 01:45 PM // 13:45

Your mum's so stupid she got tangled is a cordless phone.

Loviatar · Oct 02, 2005, 03:43 PM // 15:43

SMOKING CONDOMS

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: "What's that?"

Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet."

Lady 1: "Where did you get it?"

Lady 2: "You can get them at any drugstore."

The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of
age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel."

The pharmacist fainted.

EchoSex · Oct 02, 2005, 03:48 PM // 15:48

This guy has trouble getting it up. His girlfriend gets really upset so the guy goes to the doctor. The doc tells him that the nerve endings in it are spent, and it'll be in that condition for the rest of his life. The man starts to cry and the doc suddenly recalls an experimental surgery.

"It goes like this," the doc says, "We take the muscles and nerve endings from a baby elephant's trunk and transplant them into you. Wanna try?" The man agrees to undergo the surgery and is out of the hospital in one day. He's so excited that he takes his girlfriend out to a fancy resturant. While eating, he suddenly get's a buldge in his pants. Embarrsed, he puts his napkin over it and continues eating. Suddenly, his pecker jumps out of his pants, slams down on the table, wraps around a roll of bread and slumps back down under the table.

Girlfriend: "Holy crap. Can you do that again?"
Man: "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll of bread up my ass."

chris_nin00 · Oct 02, 2005, 03:49 PM // 15:49

Why did the pope cross the road?
Because he crosses everything!!

The undead Mesmer · Oct 02, 2005, 03:51 PM // 15:51

i hope this one fits here ^^

A Christmas Poem

'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat

The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat

The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook

It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangy reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head.

Sure as I'm speaking, he was as high as a kite.

And he yelled to his team, but it didn't sound right.

Whoa Shithead, whoa Asshole, whoa Stupid, whoa Putz, Either slow down this rig or I'll cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and don't hit the tree, Quit shaking the sleigh, 'cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter, As each little reindeer now emptied its bladder.

I was donning my jacket to cover my ass, When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GO.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile, The reindeer are pooped, I'll just stay here awhile.

He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee, The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack, But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits, The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santa's next find, And a six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension, And several other things that I shouldn't even mention.

A RED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GORED ENGINE GO ring, a G-string, and all types of oil, A dildo so long, it lay in a coil.

This suff ain't for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit, So I'll leave 'em here, and then I'll just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave, With one tiny butt plug tucked under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took the reins of his hitch, Take me home Rudolph, this night's been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout, The best thing about sex is that it never wears out!

Loviatar · Oct 02, 2005, 04:03 PM // 16:03

How do you catch a unique Rabbit ???

UNIQUE UP ON IT

How Do you catch a Tame Rabbit?

THE TAME WAY

What do you do when a maxipads on fire??

you TAMPON it

Xue Yi Liang · Oct 02, 2005, 04:32 PM // 16:32

Quote:

Originally Posted by Loviatar

How do you catch a unique Rabbit ???

UNIQUE UP ON IT

How Do you catch a Tame Rabbit?

THE TAME WAY

What do you do when a maxipads on fire??

you TAMPON it

aarrgg... that physically hurt!
gj

Loviatar · Oct 02, 2005, 05:39 PM // 17:39

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xue Yi Liang

aarrgg... that physically hurt!
gj

for the pain

once there was a quiet forest surrounding a meadow.

a small gracefull tree sprouted in the middle of it and grew into a splendid young tree.

as they do as they get older it got curious and looked around and saw a stately BIRCH tree at one part of the meadow edge and not so far away was a elegant BEECH tree.

getting more curious it asked if it was a son of a BIRCH or a son of a BEECH.

neither tree was able to answer but along flew a very wise woodpecker who knew every type of tree in the forest.

they called to him and asked for his help which he gladly gave.

he took a small sample and stated his decision that the tree was neither a son of a BIRCH or a son of a BEECH but was indeed the best piece of ASH this pecker had ever been in

Xue Yi Liang · Oct 02, 2005, 06:40 PM // 18:40

A Duck walks into a general store.

"Excuse me," said the duck to the owner. "Do you have any duck food?"
The owner said, "Sorry, we don't carry duck food." And the duck left.

Next day the duck returned to the store. "Excuse me," said the duck to the owner. "Do you have any duck food?"
The owner said, "Look. Like I said before, we don't have duck food! Go someplace else!" And the duck left.

Next day the duck returned. "Excuse me," said the duck. "Do you have any duck food?"
The owner said, "OK. I'm starting to get really pissed! If you ask me that one more time... I'll nail your flat feet to the wall! Piss off!" And the duck left.

Next day the duck returned. "Do you have any nails?"
The owner said, "no."
Duck said, "Do you have any duck food?"

Loviatar · Oct 02, 2005, 06:43 PM // 18:43

ouch

try this ........

Hi my name is Seargent Saturday I work on Tuesday ( Shes my secretary )
One night me and Tuesday went to a party on the way there we had i flat I Jacked she pumped I jacked she pumped i jacked she pumped ( then we fixed the tire )
When we got to the party a lady met us with a pair of 44s ( She had a gun to )
When we got inside Mary came so everyone jumped for Joy ( but Joy was too quick she left)
then they pulled out a huge cake and a nekid lady jumped out of it everyone had a piece ( the cake was good to )
Then we left the party on the way back we had a Cherry soda I sucked she sucked I sucked she sucked (Then we drank the soda)
When we got to the door i tried to give her a kiss on the lips ( But she crossed her legs and nearly broke my glasses )